Behind Closed Doors...

part 1

Day 1 Behind Closed Doors

I remember like it was yesterday walking through the halls in highschool with my headphones in my ears listening to Taylor Swift’s song “fifteen”. I was building a fairytale of what falling in love would be like. I wanted my love story to feel like a movie. After highschool I met a guy who made it seem like my fairytale would come true. It was perfect until it wasn’t. The banter was fun until it become rude and hurtful. If you’re someone like myself who was completely unaware of what healthy and unhealthy relationships looked like, you’re not alone.

Day 2 Behind Closed Doors

you told me you loved me after 2 months of being together, then the 3rd month you turned your back and said “ I wish you hated me”. I had never felt so confused in my life. I felt my head spin all day and night. You told me I was the problem why you hated me and I believed you. I was devastated. I wanted to fix it. I did everything I could do to change for you but you didn’t notice at all.

Day 3 Behind Closed Doors

You told me I was beautiful in front of others, but in the quiet of our car rides, you called me ugly. You had the audacity to ask if I felt embarrassed to be seen in public. It didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t understand why you shamed me so much.

I didn’t smile often, but when I did, you told me to stop—you hated seeing me happy. I convinced myself I was the problem, pouring everything I had into making our relationship work. But in time, I learned the truth: I was never the problem. You just needed to keep me small so you could feel big.

If this feels familiar, know that you are not alone. When all you’ve known is all you’ve known, how can you recognize what’s unhealthy?

Day 4 Behind Closed Doors

I was 120 pounds, yet behind closed doors, you asked why I was so fat. I thought you were joking but you weren’t. I wanted to eat at my favorite restaurant, but you turned to my family and questioned why I ate so much. Your words cut deep. I was hurting, silently screaming for help—but you couldn’t hear me.

In a big city, surrounded by people, I had never felt more alone. But that wasn’t the worst part. I didn’t want just anyone to notice me—I wanted you to see me. And you refused. I was starving myself of food, and you were starving me of your so-called “love.”

Day 5 Behind Closed Doors

In public, you told people I was funny. Behind closed doors, you told me to shut up—that my jokes were terrible. I thought I was funny, but the only approval I craved was yours. So, I believed you.

I thought we were on the same team, but in reality, we were always in a game of tug-of-war. All I ever wanted was for you to see me—for me. Maybe I wasn’t my best self back then, but you unknowingly showed me just how strong I really am.

Every time you knocked me down and laughed in my face, I wiped my tears in silence and stood back up. You thought you were keeping me small, but what you didn’t realize was that each time you broke me, you were giving me the chance to rise—this time, without you.

If you can relate to any of this I want you to know this is your safe space and you are not alone.

Grace Grossmann

and I will be hosting the very first Nourished Inside Out Live Virtual Summit May 24th & 25th and we want you to join us, because we want to heal, grow, and thrive with you! See you there, big hugs!

Save my spot!

Day 6 Behind Closed Doors

I asked you to spend time with me, and you said I was asking for too much. I wanted to see my friends, but you convinced me they hated me. So I numbed the pain. I got high every day until I passed out—my silent SOS, lost on you.

I lay on the bathroom floor, drained, burned out, feeling like shattered glass—crushed beneath your feet over and over again. I didn’t understand what life meant anymore.

But if you’re reading this, I want you to know: You matter. Just because one person ignored your cries doesn’t mean you’re alone.

Day 7 Behind Closed Doors

On the outside, I looked like any other person—smiling, bubbly, working at the salon, chatting with clients. But no one knew how deep my wounds ran.

I asked you for help, and you told me to be an adult. My heart was bleeding out on the bathroom floor while you lit your last cigarette, walking out the door to meet your friends—like nothing was wrong.

I told myself that one day, I’d find the courage to disappear from your life, just like the smoke from that last cigarette.

Day 8 Behind Closed Doors

“Good morning, babe.” It sounds like a normal thing to say to your partner, right? Yeah, I thought so too. But instead of hearing good morning back, you looked at me, laughed, and asked why I was so ugly.

I asked you to take out the trash, and you said, I’d rather throw you in it. I brushed it off and went to school—where I had no friends and nowhere to belong. The one friend I did have, you forbade me from seeing. Even the school director told us we couldn’t be friends. Nothing made sense.

I felt lost, confused. But looking back, I realize—without even knowing it, you were teaching me how to live without you. And for that, I’ll always be thankful.

Day 9 Behind Closed Doors

I told you I loved you—with my eyes wide shut.

We were driving in your car, music blasting. I asked you to turn it down because it was giving me a headache. You laughed and told me to stop acting like a grandma. Instead of lowering the volume, you turned up the song Hate Me and asked if I could hate you—because that’s how you felt about me.

I sucked it up, went home, and numbed the pain again. Weed became my escape, knocking myself out while you went out with your friends, again.

Day 10 Behind Closed Doors

I cried, but no tears came. How is that even possible?

You told me I should be an actress—that I was just that fake.

When Taylor Swift’s Anti-Hero came on in the car, you glanced at me and asked, “Is that how you really feel?”

Softly, I answered, “Yes. I feel like I’m always the problem.”

You shrugged. “Well, that sucks.” Then, like always, you sped off.

I was so empty, so drained, that even pain couldn’t bring me to tears anymore.